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Inside this Book – Aubrey’s ear-piercing cry rattled over the baby monitor, yanking me out of a deep sleep. My eyes fluttered open. I looked at my phone’s clock. No, no, no, no, no. I’d dreamt I had a full staff: a nanny, butler, housekeeper and full-time masseuse. The laundry mountain of shame that lives permanently on my living room couch had vanished, and in its place, eighty-one bottles of delicious exercise wine. What’s exercise wine? It’s a wine that, when consumed, stimulates your muscles, resulting in rock-hard abs. While my nanny, who wasn’t hot enough to be a threat, played with Aubrey on the floor, I enjoyed sip after mouthwatering sip and watched my kangaroo-pouch stomach tighten into a washboard. Another scream over the monitor. I don’t know whose grandmother I dropkicked into a well in a previous life to have an eight-month-old who regularly wakes up before the sun, but I wanted to apologize. I glanced at my darling husband, David, who was sleeping soundly. I watched him breathe deeply and suppressed the urge to smother him with a pillow. How was it that he could hear me adjusting the thermostat from two rooms away but could sleep through the ear-stabbing howls of our eight-month- old every morning? “I know you’re faking,” I whispered, trying to call his bluff. No movement. I threw my legs over the side of the bed and bent down to find my trusty black stretch pants. They’re the same ones I’d been wearing for the past two, three, maybe six days. They didn’t smell bad, they smelled…rich with character.
Inside this book –Confessions of a Domestic Failure PDF Book by Bunmi Laditan – Aubrey woke up extra early this morning. #SoBlessed. I’d planned on doing a few leg lifts but of course I had to check Facebook and fell right down the rabbit hole. What’s Facebook? It’s where moms like me post about how much we love the husbands who annoy the living bejesus out of us, and share expertly edited photos of our kids* and generally talk about our lives like we’re living in an enchanted fairy tale blessed by rainbow angel unicorns. In short, it’s for lying. But I’m addicted. * Joy will never admit to this, but I know for a fact that she thickens her kids’ eyelashes in Photoshop—I caught her in the act once.
Confessions of a Domestic Failure by Bunmi Laditan PDF : eBook Information
- Full Book Name – Confessions of a Domestic Failure
- Author of this Book – Bunmi Laditan
- Language – English
- Book Genre – Fiction, Novel, Parenting, Humor, Domestic
- Download Format – PDF
- Size – 2 MB
- eBook Pages – 249
- Price – Free